Wounded Doctor, Wilting Rose
by crimsonpuddle
Summary: Upon finding an unusual Guidebook in the TARDIS library, Rose makes a hard decision. But when the Doctor makes one too, fireworks are to be expected from both of the travellers. Short story set S2, pre-Doomsday. Angst/fluff, very Ten/Rose. No spoilers.
1. Snap Decisions

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except the plot.**

A/N: Look - new story! Got the idea a while ago but have only just written it. It's a bit of a change from my usual multi-chapter stories, as it's complete angst/fluff.  
It's set somewhere between The Satan Pit and Army of Ghosts, so no spoilers here. Very much Ten/Rose. I'm not really sure how it will turn out. It should be about four/five chapters.  
(And thank-you to my friend Maddi for the title inspiration.)  
Enjoy!

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**Snap Decisions**

Rose peeked through the library door tentatively, looking behind herself quickly to check that the Doctor wasn't around. Seeing that the coast was clear, she snuck into the musty smelling room, flicked on the light, and headed over to the furthest bookshelf, squinting at the sudden change in lighting. Her light pink dressing gown billowed behind her as she walked briskly across the cold wooden floor.

She stood on the tips of her feet, lifting one leg slightly to give her more height. Her tongue poked out between her teeth as she stretched her right arm up above her head, leaning against the wall of books to steady herself.

Her hand felt along the tops of the books on the shelf it had found, and soon hit a book on its side, just out of view. Rose pawed at the book and jumped up slightly to get a better grip on it. It flew to the ground as she tapped it, along with several others from the shelf, and a cascade of dust.

Rose sneezed involuntarily, and cursed under her breath, looking quickly to the door and freezing as she listened out for any approaching footsteps. After a moment, she decided it was safe, and picked up the books from the floor. She saw the least dusty book - the one she had been looking for - Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, and smirked. She was about to replace the other two books on the shelf from which they had fallen when she noticed the title of one of them.

The book in question was fairly large, with a strong black binding and yellowed pages. It was covered in a thick layer of dust, and somehow faded from the sun, and yet the bright golden embossed lettering was still visible. The book looked - if anything - handmade. The calligraphy on the cover was beautiful, though slightly shaky, and it was the only element on the otherwise flawless black binding. Upon closer inspection, Rose found that it read, quite clearly, 'The Companion's Guidebook To Life With The Doctor'.

Her mind buzzing with excitement and confusion, Rose felt her way across to the massive armchair and sat down, curling her legs into her body for warmth. Carefully setting Harry Potter down on the left arm of the chair, she flipped The Companion's Guidebook open to the first page. She found, as she flicked through the pages, that it was a list, and very much like a children's book, with just one point on each page. Returning to the start of the book, Rose got comfortable in her seat, and began to read.

_'Welcome, reader. I trust you are a companion of the Doctor. If you **are** the __Doctor, put this book down right now. Please. It's for your own good. Otherwise, read on...'_ Rose read the words with interest, wondering who had written them so long ago. A sense of disloyalty washed over her as she thought about the Doctor. Would he want her reading this?

She certainly knew her own feelings for the Doctor - and as far as she was concerned, they would stay hidden from him for a while - and she was sure she knew _him_ fairly well too. ('_Well, enough to know he doesn't feel the same way.'_ she thought bitterly.) She knew she didn't need some previous companion's Guidebook to understand him. But then again... just a quick peek couldn't hurt...

She glanced up at the door and grinned, figuring that if she hadn't been caught by now, she was safe for the next few hours. Biting her lip in anticipation, she turned to the first page.

_'Number 1: The Doctor is a Time Lord and he comes from Gallifrey. He has a family. It's complicated. Do not question this, as it does not concern you.'_ Rose immediately felt her expression of glee falter, and she turned the page again.

_'Number 2: The Doctor's ship is called the TARDIS. Never regard her as an 'it'. She is the Doctor's 'friend', and is very important to him. Hence, do not be alarmed if he appears to be in love with her. He is not. I hope._

_'Number 3: You, the companion, are most likely inferior to the Doctor (unless you are also Gallifreyan, which is practically impossible). He will insult you, especially when he's angry. It will pass, so long as you don't argue. Please, don't argue. He only rants if you do._

_'Number 4: Wander off. A lot. If the Doctor leaves you alone, and you do not follow this advice, nothing will get done. Trust me._

_'Number 5: It would be better for everyone if you refrained from commenting on the Doctor's outfits/hairstyles/habits/'faults'/glasses/choices of food. No, really. It would._

_'Number 6: Do **not **get romantically involved with the Doctor. It will only end it heartbrake, for both you and him. As he is a Time Lord, he -' _Rose slammed the book shut, and it closed with a resounding thud. Not bothering to listen out for any sign of the Doctor, she let the book slip from her fingers and fall to the floor with a second thump.

_'What have I done?'_ she thought to herself worriedly, resting her head in her hands. _'The book's right. It - _we_ - could never happen. He won't let it. And I can't do it to him, not anymore. It's not fair.'_

A shiver ran down Rose's spine as she closed her eyes with sadness. Rising silently from the chair, she tucked the two books neatly away on the high shelf and tiptoed out of the room.

Once safely inside her own bedroom, Rose fell onto her bed, feeling like a weight had been dropped on her shoulders. What was she _doing_?! She couldn't fall in love with the Doctor! It was almost as if she'd only realised this after reading the mysterious Guidebook, though she silently told herself she'd known it from the beginning.

Nevertheless, a thought occurred to her. She'd been holding onto the idea that she and the Doctor would eventually be together, but she couldn't do it. Not to him, or to herself. She'd have to get over him. And if she couldn't do that... she'd have to leave.

- - - - - - -

The Doctor, a few corridors away from the library, was lying fully-clothed on his bed in the darkness of his room, wondering what he could busy himself with whilst Rose was sleeping. He was startled by two thuds followed by the slam of a door, and could only assume that his companion was wandering around in the 'night'. He considered getting up and going to see what she was up to, but decided against it.

Then again... It had happened before. He had heard Rose in the TARDIS kitchen, and gone to see what she was up to. Incidentally, she had been attempting to make a mug of hot chocolate using a frying pan, a blender, and a jar of jam. The Doctor had taken the utensils from her, sat her down, and made her (and himself) a cup of hot chocolate. The travellers had sat at the table and talked for hours, over many cups of hot chocolate, way into the night (although, of course, Time was relative).

Maybe his latest rule about not getting emotionally involved with companions could be slightly... altered. Perhaps. Just a little, to allow him and Rose to...

No, what was he _thinking_? Of course nothing could happen between him and Rose! He knew how it would end.

But he knew how she felt about him. He had seen the looks, and he certainly wasn't stupid. Maybe he could try. He did like her - of course he did, though to him it sounded so childlike to be thinking such thoughts. But either way, something _could_ happen, if he was to try.

The Doctor made a snap decision. He would.

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A/N: A sad start perhaps, but this is a Doctor/Rose story, in spite of what happens in between the beginning and end.

UPDATE: Thank you to NewDrWhoFan for pointing out my mistake about the Time War - it has been corrected.


	2. The Burning Malaca Skies

**Disclaimer: I own Malaca. =D ...But nothing else.**

A/N: I've wanted to use this place (Malaca) for ages. Enjoy!

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**The Burning Malaca Skies**

"So, Rose Tyler!" the Doctor shouted energetically the second Rose entered the console room. "Where to?" Rose opened her mouth to speak, but the Doctor had already started to punch in co-ordinates. "I know just the place!"

"You okay?" Rose smiled anxiously, remembering her plan but trying to act normal. "You look a bit... weird."

The Doctor looked up at her in mock offence. "That's charming." he joked with a grin.

Rose smiled again. "No, I just mean... different. You look different."

"Different in a _good _way, I - Whoa!" the Doctor was cut off mid-sentence as the TARDIS was sent crashing to the ground with a thud.

"Not too bumpy, then?" Rose said with raised eyebrows as she heaved herself up off the floor. The Doctor offered his hand to her, and she took it gratefully.

"Right then, here we are!" the Doctor said enthusiastically as he shrugged his coat on and passed Rose hers. "You'll need this." he added, and she took it, frowning.

"Where are we?" she asked as he bounded towards the doors.

"You're gonna love this." the Doctor grinned slyly, resting a hand on the door and turning to face Rose. She reached his side and grinned back in anticipation.

"You know when you're a kid, and you see a shooting star, and you think it's the most incredible thing in the entire Universe?" he asked her slowly.

"Yeah..." Rose answered through her smile, almost bouncing up and down with excitement.

"Now see the real thing." The Doctor replied, and pushed the door open with one hand. Rose stepped out into the darkness outside, wrapping her coat around her, and looked straight up into the sky. Her grin fell and was replaced by a perfect 'o' shape as she gazed upwards in wonder.

The Doctor exited the TARDIS and pulled the door shut, and Rose moved with him as he walked over to a kiosk-like area, not taking her eyes off the sky.

Above her, solitary sparks of multicoloured light bounded across the black canvas of the night. Diamond-like dots shot across the sky in every colour imaginable, creating patterns of light across the blackness of midnight.

"It's... beautiful." she breathed, and looked down at the Doctor. She realised they were already walking. Looking behind her, she saw a wooden hut, a booth, where they had come from, the TARDIS just out of sight. The place, though pitch black in the sky and with no visible lights, was fairly bright, and when she looked down she discovered the reason. A thick blanket of snow covered the ground, showing her footprints merging with the Doctor's as they walked along the white path. The Doctor took her hand and led her off to the right, where the snow seemed to stop suddenly.

"Wow." Rose sighed, looking out at the sight in front of her. A gentle slope of grass, covered with other people - human and non-human - lay ahead, all gazing up at the sky to watch the stars.

"Yeah." the Doctor agreed. Rose looked across at hm and smiled, her tongue poking out between her teeth cheekily as he grinned back.

"Where are we?" she ventured as they walked across the grass slowly.

The Doctor sighed contentedly. "The Burning Skies of Malaca." he informed her proudly.

"Seriously?" Rose asked. The Doctor stopped abruptly and sat down, and Rose followed his example, making a face as the damp grass squelched under her.

"Yes, seriously." he said, indignant. "The skies are literally burning. Those stars -" he indicated towards the stars in the sky and Rose looked back up at them, "- are particles of dust and gas reacting in the atmosphere. The planet of Malaca uses fusion-hydraulics to power... but never mind that." he finished lamely, staring back into the sky. "The dust and gas that's produced by the planet burns up as soon as it reaches the Mesosphere, and that's what we're watching. Those lumps of rock will fall to the ground, and the planet'll reuse them to get power."

"Recycling." Rose suggested with a smile, and the Doctor nodded.

The two travellers leaned back in the grass and stared up at the dazzling display of lights above them.

"But It's _beautiful_." Rose repeated after a moment, and the Doctor remained gazing up at the stars, sneaking a sideways glance at her as her eyes traced the patterns made by the falling rocks.

For how long the two travellers lay there in the grass, neither knew. After a time, Rose tore her eyes away from the ever-appearing colours and twisted her body towards the Doctor. She propped her head up on her hand, and the Doctor mimicked her actions comfortably.

"Doctor," she began firmly, though somewhat nervously, "Why are we here?"

The Doctor frowned and swallowed, "Well, because I thought it would be a nice place to go." he told her happily.

"But, you were all 'adventure and excitement' yesterday. Well, not 'yesterday' exactly, but you know what I mean." she amended hastily, "What made you decide to come here instead?"

"Oh, just... something I was thinking about." the Doctor waved away the question with a smile.

"What were you thinking about?" Rose ventured.

"Doesn't matter." the Doctor said casually, and Rose attempted a nod, "Glad we came though. You're right, it is beautiful."

Rose nodded again wordlessly, then slumped back down on the dampened grass beneath her. The Doctor paused, then did the same, and a second later, his hand found hers. She gulped.

_'This is gonna be harder than I thought it would be...'_ she thought to herself, remembering her vow to get over the Doctor from the previous night. Carefully, she tried to casually pull her hand from his, and he let go immediately. Not wanting to hurt his feelings, Rose rubbed her hands together and wrapped them around her body pointedly.

"You're cold." the Doctor noted, sitting up and shrugging his coat off, "Here." he offered the coat to her, and she sat up reluctantly, but she flinched away when he attempted to wrap it around her.

"Rose?" the Doctor frowned, "You okay?"

"Yeah!" Rose said, faking a smile, but she could tell the Doctor didn't believe her. He pulled his coat back on, still watching her curiously. She lay down, trying to look casual, and the Doctor rested his elbow on the grass and leaned on his hand to watch her. Ignoring the fact that his hearts were - for some bizarre reason - racing, the Doctor swallowed and opened his mouth to speak, remembering distinctly the exact words he had used on their second adventure.

"I'm so glad I met you." he whispered, taking a chance and hoping for the best. Rose avoid his eyes.

"Me too." she said quietly, "I mean, the things I've seen..." she added carefully, not wanting him to get the wrong idea. _'Although,'_ she thought guiltily, _'It wouldn't be the_ 'wrong'_ idea at all.'_

The Doctor nodded slowly.

"I - I miss mum though. Sometimes." Rose said hastily, trying her best to push the Doctor away to a reasonable level of friendship, "And Mickey. He was great."

"Yeah..." the Doctor agreed softly, "Yeah, he was."

Rose suppressed a smile as she detected a hint of bitterness in the Doctor's voice. _'It's working!'_ she thought with relief.

"I am sorry." the Doctor continued, "I never said, but I am. About Mickey. I never meant for you to lose someone - anyone."

Rose's face fell. _'What?'_ she questioned herself, confused, _'He's supposed to be offended, not guilty and comforting!'_

She didn't reply. After a pause, she sat up, suddenly too wired up and confused to lie in the grass and watch the beautiful meteors in the sky.

"Maybe we should go." she began, "I'm freezing."

The Doctor's eyebrows shot up with surprise. "Oh," he said, taken aback, and he sat up straight, "Well, if you want."

Rose stood up, and the Doctor did so too, but she edged away as he moved over to take her hand. He walked away awkwardly, and Rose let out a guilty sigh as she followed. She cringed as he stepped away, looking down, feeling like she'd rather the ground would swallow her up than cause the Doctor to think she didn't like him.

They trudged across the snow, their footprints this time separate, and returned to the booth briefly before entering the TARDIS together. Rose quickly mumbled something about feeling ill, and excused herself to her bedroom, leaving the Doctor to stand, hands in pockets, in the middle of the console room, with an expression of curiosity plain on his face.

It was moments before he felt he could speak, and when he did so, he voiced his only thoughts in a whisper. "What just happened?"

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A/N: What will happen next? Review to find out.


	3. Revealed Secrets

**Disclaimer: -insert witty response to the word 'disclaimer' here-**

A/N: Don't hate me.

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**Revealed Secrets**

As soon as Rose was sure the Doctor was busy in the console room (fixing a loose wire or something), she made her way quietly to the library. This time, when she opened the door and made her way over to the bookshelf in the far corner, she ignored the thick Harry Potter book and pulled down The Companion's Guidebook. Looking over at the door, she flicked through the book carefully, as if proving to herself that the book really did exist, and that she hadn't just dreamt it up.

Satisfied, Rose stood back to make sure the Doctor wouldn't realise she had been in the library, and walked slowly back to the door. She crept back through the TARDIS corridors to her room and placed the book delicately on the table by her door.

As she looked up at the door, she groaned. Although the grassy slope on Malaca had seemed only slightly damp enough at the time, Rose saw a trail of mud up the left leg of her jeans as she caught her reflection in the full-length mirror on the other side of the door. She moved closer to inspect the damage.

"Ugh." She turned around and found that her jeans were covered in spots of mud and green stains. She peeled off the jeans and threw them into the corner of the room, anticipating a trip home sometime soon.

"Of all the rubbish he's got in here, why wouldn't he have a washing machine?" she muttered to herself as she studied the pile of dirty laundry. Looking back into the mirror, she saw a mysterious smudge of brown dirt on her leg, and sighed softly.

"What a mess..." she murmured, not quite sure whether she was referring to the dirt or the Doctor. She ran her fingers through her hair, then pulled them out hastily. It was damp from lying in the wet grass. "Great."

Rose picked a clean towel out of the hamper by the wall in her room, stripped her clothes off, wrapped the towel around her body, and walked the short distance down the corridor to the bathroom. In seconds, the sound of running water could be heard from inside the locked room.

- - - - - - -

"Rose?" the Doctor called out from underneath the console mechanism, "Rose?" When no answer came, he sighed, lay the piece of cable in his hand on the floor, and pushed himself out.

"Ro-ose?" he tried again. The Doctor heaved himself to his feet and walked out of the door towards Rose's bedroom.

"D'you know where I put the sonic screwdriver?" shouted the Doctor as he walked through the TARDIS, "I can't seem to... find it." he finished quietly as he reached Rose's empty room.

Frowning, the Doctor turned to head back down the corridor, but something caught his attention, and he turned back to look at Rose's desk. A large but thin book was rested innocently on the pale wood. The Doctor moved closer to read the cover, and frowning, he mouthed he words. 'The Companion's Guidebook To Life With The Doctor'. His eyes widened in alarm, and he moved forward to study the item. He picked it up - it was fairly heavy despite the slight lack of pages, and the calligraphic writing on the front was a little wonky, though still legible.

The Doctor sat down on the chair in front of the desk and glanced quickly to Rose's bedroom door before opening the book gently. The handwriting seemed familiar, though he couldn't place it. It definitely wasn't Rose's - he knew that much.

_'Welcome, reader.'_ the Doctor read quickly, '_I trust you are a companion of the Doctor. If you **are** the Doctor, put this book down right now. Please. It's for your own good. Otherwise, read on...'_

The Doctor glanced again at the door, but didn't replace the book. Instead, he flicked the page over to read on. When his eyes passed over the next page, the Doctor's eyebrows narrowed.

_'Number 1: The Doctor is a Time Lord and he comes from Gallifrey. He has a family. It's complicated. Do not question this, as it does not concern you.'_

The Doctor felt an inexplicable anger at the thought of someone writing about his own past, but at the same time, a strange feeling of pride at whoever had done so. Unsure what to make of the Guidebook, the Doctor turned the page curiously.

_'Number 2: The Doctor's ship is called the TARDIS. Never regard her as an 'it'. She is the Doctor's 'friend', and is very important to him. Hence, do not be alarmed if he appears to be in love with her. He is not. I hope.'_he read, smiling slightly, and felt an approving hum from the TARDIS walls.

_'Number 3: You, the companion, are most likely inferior to the Doctor (unless you are also Gallifreyan, which is practically impossible). He will insult you, especially when he's angry. It will pass, so long as you don't argue. Please, don't argue. He only rants if you do.'_ The Doctor opened his mouth to argue indignantly, before realising he had no one to argue with. Letting the moment pass, he turned the page again.

_'Number 4: Wander off. A lot. If the Doctor leaves you alone, and you do not follow this advice, nothing will get done. Trust me.'_ The Doctor let out a short sound of disapproval before turning the page again.

_'Number 5: It would be better for everyone if you refrained from commenting on the Doctor's outfits/hairstyles/habits/'faults'/glasses/choices of food. No, really. It would.'_ The Doctor's frown deepened with indignation as he read on, his own thoughts masking the gentle sound of the pipes in the wall settling as the running water in the bathroom came to a stop. He flicked the page slowly, dreading whatever the next point would be.

_'Number 6: Do **not** get romantically involved with the Doctor.'_ The Doctor's mouth fell open as he read on, '_It will only end it heartbrake, for both you and him. As he is a Time Lord, he is different to you and I. He will live a hell of a lot longer than humans do, and for this reason, there is no way he will get involved with a companion. So do yourself a favour, and don't even try.'_

The Doctor's frown turned into a look of horror as he finished reading the page. His mouth ran dry and he leaned back in the chair.

_'Is this why Rose was acting -'_ His thoughts were cut off as the door of Rose's bathroom opened. The Doctor's eyes opened wide, and he thrust the book back onto the desk and stood up hastily, almost falling backwards over the chair. Rose emerged from the bathroom and froze when she saw the Doctor standing in her room through the open door.

"Uh... hi," the Doctor began as he composed himself, his throat scratching through his attempted to seem nonchalant, "Just... just wondering if you knew my sonic screwdriver was...?"

Rose, clad in a fluffy pink dressing-gown and a towel wrapped around her soaking hair, didn't reply at once. She opened and closed her mouth a few times before turning bright red and pulling her dressing gown tighter around her body.

"Uh, no." she said quickly, her eyes darting to the book on her desk. The Doctor crossed his fingers behind his back, but that didn't stop the inevitable from happening. Rose looked down and saw that the Guidebook, in the Doctor's haste, was lying _open_ on the table, on the page entitled 'Number 6'.

The Doctor silently cursed.

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A/N: *grins evilly* Review please.


	4. Trapped In Falling Petals

**Disclaimer: Technically, I kind of own 'The Companion's Guidebook To Life With The Doctor'. And Malaca. And the plot. But yeah, that's it.**

A/N: Look at me go with the updates! Again, remember that this _is_ a Doctor/Rose shipping 'fic. It _is_a lot more angsty than I originally intended though...  
(Thanks again to Maddi for the chapter title inspiration.)

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**Trapped In Falling Petals**

It was a moment before either the Doctor or Rose spoke. And the first sound wasn't a word, merely the Doctor clearing his throat as he decided on a reasonable thing to say.

"It's not..." he began uneasily, "I mean, I wasn't -"

"Why are you in here?" Rose asked quickly, ignoring the fact that her cheeks were burning a deep red, her eyes still glued to the page of writing that was sure to give the reason for her recent change away to the Doctor.

"Well, I was looking for you. To find my sonic screwdriver." the Doctor explained.

"But, this is _my_ room," frowned Rose, flustered by the possible thoughts that could be running through the Doctor's head. She pointed to the Guidebook, "That could be... my diary, or something."

"_Is_ it yours?" the Doctor asked with raised eyebrows.

"No!"

"Right."

"But it could have been."

"But it wasn't." amended the Doctor, "Where did you find it, anyway?"

"The library." was Rose's answer.

"So, since it was in the TARDIS, technically, it's my book." the Doctor smiled slyly, in an attempt to bring the conversation onto more light-hearted ground.

"That doesn't matter!" Rose said indignantly, moving forwards as the Doctor edged backwards. She picked up the book carelessly and waved in in the air, "You can't just come into my bedroom and go through my things!"

"But it's not -"

"I don't care!" she interrupted, restraining herself from using her mother's technique of a good hard slap, "I don't come into your bedroom and rifle through your things, do I?"

"Rose, I wasn't rifling." the Doctor urged, "I swear, it was just there on the desk. I didn't mean to read it -"

This, rather than convince Rose that he was innocent, just angered her more. "Oh, so you just _accidentally_ opened it and _accidentally_ turned the pages and _accidentally _read it, did you?" she asked, her voiced dripping with dry sarcasm. She thrust the book into the Doctor's hands and crossed her arms, waiting for him to argue back.

"Well, no, but..." the Doctor sighed, holding the book as if worried about what it could contain, and he stepped forwards, "Rose, I'm sorry."

"Oh, stop it!" Rose screeched suddenly, unfolding her arms and clenching her fists at her sides. "Just... just _stop it!_"

"Stop... what?" the Doctor asked, confused, letting his arms fall to his sides.

"Why are you being so understanding?!" Rose asked, too confused to remember quite what the reason for this argument was. "Why are you making this so difficult?!"

"What am I making difficult?"

"THIS!" Rose yelled at him, gesturing between him and herself, as if it was the clearest thing in the world.

"Us?"

"Yes! God, Doctor, I can't _do_ this anymore!"

"What? Shout?" the Doctor frowned, becoming more confused by the second, but not wanting Rose to get any more upset than she seemed.

"No, this!" Rose repeated exasperatedly, her frustration getting the better of her, "I can't love you, but you won't let me get over it 'cause you clearly _don't_!"

The words were out before she could take them back. Rose's eyes widened with horror as the Doctor froze, and time seemed to stand still for them, with only the sound of the TARDIS' gentle hum in the background to accompany the argument.

The Doctor looked down, his teeth gritted in fury. When he looked back up at Rose, his eyes were hollow, his skin pale. "And why would you think that?"

"What?" Rose asked dumbly, her skin tinged a deep red at this point.

"Why can't... why do you think..." He stumbled over his words, "Why shouldn't I...?"

"God, you can't even _say_ it, can you?" asked Rose incredulously.

"No, Rose, I can't!" the Doctor burst out suddenly, thrusting the book out, as though he'd forgotten he was holding it. Rose flinched backwards with shock as he shouted. "Do you know how long it's been since I've admitted... since I've thought about someone - about anyone - like _this_?" He stared at her, breathing heavily, unsure what to say next.

"No." Rose replied quietly, venom seeping through in her voice. She couldn't control it now, "I don't. Because I don't know you. God, I don't even know _me_ anymore!"

The Doctor opened his mouth, thought better of what he was about to say, and closed it again.

"I can't love you." Rose repeated quietly, the words eating into her heart as she spoke them.

The Doctor nodded, half filled with fury, half filled with sorrow. "Right." he said coldly, "Well then - well, if it's 'too hard', if you'd rather leave -"

"What?" Rose asked, shocked, "You want me to go?"

The Doctor looked up at Rose with wide eyes. He paused, trying to find the best way to phrase his thoughts to make her want to stay. Because of course he wanted her to stay - how could he want anything else? He frowned in concentration, then looked up. When he saw Rose's bewildered expression, he realised he had waited seconds too long.

"Right!" Rose said angrily when he didn't speak, pulling her door wide open, "Right! Yeah, well, if that's how you feel, I'll get packing then!" She tugged on the Doctor's arm and he complied reluctantly, hoping to explain himself, but Rose slammed the door on him and slid down it to the floor.

"Rose?" the Doctor asked on the other side of the door, his voice muffled through the wood. "Rose, I -" he was at a loss for what to say, still trying to figure out what had just happened between himself and Rose, "Rose?" he called again, tapping on the door with the black book still in his hands.

Rose covered her mouth with her hand, ignoring her towel as it slipped down from around her wet hair. She held her breath in hope to stop the tears as her eyes welled up, but still let out a quiet sob as she breathed in, taking in the familiar surroundings through blurred vision.

_'How did this happen?'_she asked herself as she banged her head against the door in frustration, _'How did we get here? What do I do now?'_

But as soon as Rose thought of the question, she realised she knew the answer. A strangled sob forced its way out of her mouth and she covered her lips with a tear covered hand. There was only one thing to do. One thing that would put an end to all of this, once and for all. It might kill her, but it had to be done. This was too hard.

She really had to leave.

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A/N: Penultimate chapter! Final chapter will be up soon!


	5. Rose Tyler,,,

**Disclaimer: I... own... a television, which I watch Doctor Who on... And that's good enough for me. Ish.**

A/N: Chibi!Rose got mad at me about last chapter. So I decided to put this up as soon as I could. It's finale time! Please enjoy. And take a cookie on your way out.  
(The commas in the chapter title are supposed to be '...' but fanfic doesn't let you do them in titles.)

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**Rose Tyler...**

On the other side of the door, the Doctor looked down at the book in his hands. He let out a growl of frustration and threw the book to the floor, stamping on it with anger. He punched the wall leading to Rose's bathroom and paced down the hall, then placed hands flat on the wall and looked down at the floor. He sighed and closed his eyes, then walked back over to Rose's room, leaned down, and picked up the book again. He studied it with disgust and turned around to face the door. He considered knocking, or even just trying to open it, but resigned to the floor. Resting a palm onto the wood, he breathed in and out slowly.

It was all over - or at least he thought it must be. Rose didn't love him. That was that. He couldn't force her to stay. He must have gotten it wrong; those signs he had seen must have been something else. All those comments, those looks, he must have been wrong. And if she really wanted to leave, how could he stop her?

"Rose?" he whispered sadly, not expecting her to hear. He threw the book back down on the floor and rested open on the page of point number 6. The Doctor made a noise of disgust and picked it up with a grimace, then frowned. As he pulled it closer to his eyes, he noticed a number of faint stains on the page, and places where the writing was smudged. He looked up at the door, as if he expected to see through it, then back down to the book.

They were tearstains. The page was covered in tears, presumably Rose's. She had been crying over it.

But no, she couldn't have been. She didn't love him, she had said that.

But... wait. What had her words been, exactly?

_"I can't love you."_

Can't. She _can't_ love him. She said she couldn't, not that she didn't. And she was crying over the page... the page which said she couldn't be with him... so...

But no. If she loved him ,she wouldn't leave. He knew that, of course he did - he was just making excuses. He was just trying to make himself feel better. He flicked through the book with disgust to the last page. His eyes only landed on it for a millisecond, but he did a double take when he saw the writing.

_'Number 37:'_ was written on the very last page, _'The Doctor is fairly adament about what he wants. If there's anything _you_ want, you'll have to fight for it. He's often quite reasonable, but at some point, when you might not even realise it, the time will come for you to fight for whatever it is you desire.'_

The Doctor's eyes traced the writing for seconds before the words sunk in. It seemed like too much of a co-incidence that those words be found by him at that exact moment. Of course, the Doctor didn't believe in fate, but it seemed like the book was trying to help him. And then he knew what he was going to do. He loved Rose with both his hearts. And nothing was going to take her away from him. Not today. Not ever. He was going to fight for what he desired.

"Rose?" the Doctor asked curiously, his voice strong with determination, "Rose, what you said before...?" The Doctor trailed off, unsure of how to phrase his words. He heard a sniff on the other side of the door, the zip of a bag. Before he knew what was happening, the door was thrust open and Rose jumped over him, running down the hall with her bulky rucksack thrown over her shoulder. The Doctor caught a glimpse of her face as she bounded past him, screwed up in anger and pink with fresh tears.

"Rose!" the Doctor called, rising to his feet instantly and running after her as fast as he could. He found himself in the consol room in seconds, just inches behind her. But she was going; she was closer to the door, she was running - God, she was running fast - and the Doctor was too far behind.

But the Doctor reached out, his last hope slipping away beneath his fingertips.

"Rose, stop!" he cried, catching the strap of her bag and gripping it with all his strength. He wrenched her around, but she pulled harder, and the next thing he knew, the Doctor was flung against the TARDIS door, with Rose in front of him. He was in her way; there was no way she was leaving now.

Instinctively, he thrust his arms out to shield the door and stop Rose form pushing past, but she had stopped dead anyway. She looked down, hiding her face from view, but the Doctor could still see her: her hair matted and still wet, her eyes filled with tears and red raw, her mouth trembling, her rosy cheeks.

"Doctor, please." she whispered, and the Doctor almost moved just to please her, but he stood firm.

"No, Rose," he protested, but he knew she wasn't listening, "Rose, please, just listen to me."

"Doctor, let me go." she pleaded, avoiding his eyes still.

"No," the Doctor refused, "You don't want this. You know you don't. Come on, Rose, I saw the book."

"Yeah, and so did I, and I know the truth." Rose suddenly burst out, looking up into the Doctor's eyes. They were a hollow brown, the same as always, but now filled with something else, something warm. Could it be... love? Rose shook the thought out of her head.

"You know it just as well as I do, Doctor," Rose said, quietly, bitterly, "You know this can't work."

"But what if it could?" the Doctor urged her, "What if -"

"It can't!" Rose said louder.

"You're not listening!" the Doctor cried exasperatedly, "I..."

"Say it." Rose said daringly. The Doctor looked down into her eyes, and saw her sorrow, her anger, and her love.

"You know it's hard -"

"Too hard," Rose interrupted tearfully, "If you did, if you really, truly loved me, you would say it. You could say it."

The Doctor reached a hand out to wipe away the fresh tide of tears flooding from her eyes, but she pushed it away.

"That's not fair." the Doctor shook his head regretfully.

"No." Rose agreed.

"You said you didn't," the Doctor said, his hearts braking with every word as his eyes pierced hers, "Or you couldn't. You 'can't love me'."

"I... I thought I couldn't." Rose said through her tears, breaking out of her facade, too tired and too full of sorrow to play the game anymore. "Because you're right, it's not fair. It's too _hard_, Doctor. You know it can't last. So why set yourself up? That's what you believe, isn't it? You can't ever love, you can't ever -"

"And where did you get that? The book!" the Doctor said, responding to his own question before Rose could. He spoke with wide eyes, as if only just realising he knew these things, "Just a book, written by someone long ago, lifetimes ago. Someone who knew a different Doctor. The same man, yes, but not this Doctor, with his life, and his face, and... and his Rose. It wasn't me."

He swallowed nervously when Rose didn't respond, and could only assume his words were having no affect. "It wasn't me," he repeated quietly, putting his hands on Rose's hips without thinking. She didn't move. "This is me."

And then, before either of them could think to stop, the Doctor guided Rose's body closer towards his, and placed his lips delicately on hers. He leaned back after just a second, expecting to receive a hard, well deserved slap, but Rose leaned forward with him, pressing her body against his. The Doctor wrapped his hands around Rose's back, parting his lips slightly and sinking into the kiss with surprising ease. Rose raised a hand up to the Doctor's neck, letting her bag fall of the other shoulder with little grace. She ventured into the Doctor mouth, something she'd wanted to do for so long but had recently forbidden herself from thinking about.

As she realised what was happening, Rose pulled away, blushing furiously - though it couldn't be seen underneath her already reddened cheeks.

"Sorry." Rose whispered, so quiet it was almost silent. She looked down at his chest as she spoke.

"Rose..." the Doctor replied just as softly with a small smile, his hands remaining on her waist, though hers had dropped from his neck. He looked into her eyes, waiting for her to look up at him, and when she did, he smiled even more. She gave him a watery smile in return. "I..." he began, then licked his lips and started again. No sooner had he opened his mouth, however, than Rose spoke first.

"I love you."

There was a pause, and then the Doctor found the words he had been searching for for years.

"Rose Tyler... I love you too."

* * *

A/N: -cue romantic music and a fade into black- And thus, the 'fic is over. I hope you all enjoyed it! Feedback is greatly appreciated. Thank you all for reading!


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